INSERT CATCHY TITLE HERE
by Of Naught
Summary: Made because I can't seem to stick with one story. This is the place for all my ideas for Haruhi stories to go. Come, join me and all my arbitrary one-shots, haphazardly planned arcs, and other random ideas that happen to spew from my brain.
1. Gentle Oblivion

I can never concentrate enough to get working on one story. So I've made this, a hub for all my random ideas, to be filled with everything ranging from drama and romance to humor and stupidity.

… Yep, pretty much just repeating what I said in the summary.

Anyways, I hope you don't mind broken plot lines and starts of stories that will probably never be finished mixed in with my one-shots. But that's for later.

So enjoy the first chapter of _[INSERT CATCHY TITLE HERE]._

Ha ha. I just noticed my title inadvertently doesn't follow the last conduct thing of the Guidelines. Whoops, oh well.

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_**Chapter I: Gentle Oblivion**_

I took the note given to me by Yuki out of my pocket and gazed at it for the second time.

_Meet me at station in two hours._

That's what it read. I received it right after Yuki said her goodbyes to the Brigade and left for collage. Apparently she had something to tell me before she really left. So here I was, sitting on the bench near the station that seemed to be a Mecca for weirdoes, a few minutes early.

Just sitting here sent a wave of nostalgia through me; I still can't believe that we've graduated already.

It had been an indescribably enjoyable three long years of supernatural craziness for me. Through the SOS Brigade, I've met the most amazing people, made irreplaceable friends, embarked on epic journeys through space and time, and a whole bunch of other stuff one can only dream of doing. I've learned and grown so much from my experiences, evolving from a gloomy, dreamless cynic into… well… a happy, hopeful cynic. I guess the cynical part of me will never change.

I mentally sighed as I thought of all the great memories the Brigade has shared, and how things are now all falling apart. Mikuru had already graduated a year ago, returning to her own time because her superiors had deemed this era no longer worth observing after the Incident. It was never the same without her. No tea from heaven, no eye balm for me, no doll for Haruhi to dress up; one less valuable friend. With her gone, the Brigade just didn't have the same vim and vigor as it used to. Now with everyone graduating, we're all splitting up to go to different collages, effectively disbanding the Brigade for good. We tried recruiting new people into the club, but that just failed. Most were repelled by our reputation, and for those who did wanted to join, well, it just wasn't the same; none of them had supernatural powers or anything.

Great, now I'm starting to sound depressing. Let's look on the bright side. The Brigade members (minus Mikuru, regrettably) could still keep in touch via cell phones, and Internet. Plus we could all get back together during breaks and vacations. All's not lost, not by a long shot. The Brigade will survive. Distance is just a pitiful obstacle that we the SOS Brigade laugh at as it tries to separate us. True friendship is too powerful to be broken by mere trivialities.

Ha, ha, now I'm sounding like one of those cliché good guys who tries cheer everyone up when things look bleakest.

My internal monologue was interrupted when I saw Yuki, the person I was waiting for, approaching me from a distance, and I waved.

Yuki… Mikuru… I don't know when I started to call them by their given names, but I have. Probably after the Incident.

It surprised me when Yuki waved back. Well, I shouldn't be too surprised. Yuki's become a lot more human since when I first met her. Sure she's still seems really emotionless and stoic, not even flinching while the world around her is blasted into oblivion, but she's changed nonetheless.

"Yo," I casually greeted.

"Hello, Kyon," she returned in a voice as soft as newly fallen snow. Every time a bit of humanity showed within her, it made my heart skip a beat (not in the romantic way though). The purple haired girl sat down next to me.

"…"

We sat in silence for what seemed like hours, though it was only minutes. It might just be me, but silence in the presence of Yuki had always kind of made me uncomfortable. I know she's silent pretty much all the time, but still…

Anyways, Yuki seemed kind of spacey as she stared at the ground, unmoving. I could tell she was deep in thought, which was really unusual for her. Every minute or so her head would raise a few millimeters and her mouth open a few millimeters before closing and drooping back down. It was as if she wanted to say something, but then decided against it. No, that's exactly what it was. Now I was curious as to what she wanted to say. It was obviously something important and of a delicate matter as she deliberated whether to tell me or not.

Yuki's gentle voice interrupted my thoughts, "There'll be no other time for me to say this." No other time? What's that supposed to mean? I didn't voice my thoughts though. "I may not be able to fully comprehend the… emotions I have been accumulating so there may be discrepancies in this transmission of data, but I've learned enough to know that I have truly enjoyed my time in this world. I've grown fond of the people of this world and all of its wonders." She went silent after that.

I would have said something, but I was utterly speechless. Was Yuki really opening up her heart to me? Even thinking about the possibility sounded totally and insanely preposterous. She'd never really voiced her own thoughts or opinions, silently taking whatever was thrown at her without even thinking about having someone help her through things. She talked with no one about herself, not even me, no matter the circumstances. Yet here she was, starting to spill her innermost thoughts and feelings in a voice not devoid of emotion. Though I could be too early in saying that.

The petite girl seemed to take a deep breath. Then she continued. "I have also developed personal feelings towards the members of the Brigade. You, Suzumiya, Koizumi, and Asahina have become like family to me. I don't think there's any other way other than family to describe what they mean to me."

Wow. You've always regarded Haruhi as a subject to observe, nothing more, and Koizumi and Mikuru as interesting variables. So this is how you truly feel.

"However, my feelings for you run deeper than my feelings of the others. I'm not sure how to describe them, but they've impacted me the most. Just being in your presence, it makes me have this feeling of warmth and comfort. The rest of my emotions I cannot describe." What are you trying to say?

Wait… no. That can't be it….

"Humans have come up with only one word for these feelings."

The next word she said shook me to my core. It made me question whether or not I was dreaming, hallucinating or if this was a joke. I even considered if I had entered a parallel universe at some point. That's how impossible it seemed. But I knew this wasn't the case. In truth, I saw this coming, but like I said before, it did not seem possible.

Yuki turned and her gaze met mine, her eyes shining as they bore into me. "Love."

That was the word. And I was stunned. Actually, stunned is an understatement, but I can't find a better word for it. I was again at a loss for words and my mind just kind of melted away for a while. Fortunately, Yuki went silent for a while too, as she stared back at the ground, giving me enough time to recover. I didn't know how long I stood there, gaping, but I must've looked pretty dumb as I thought. Any response to her seemed infinitely inadequate, but I managed to ask a cliché question. Not that that was better. "Why didn't you act on your feelings? I mean, you can't just keep feelings like that locked up inside. Besides, Haruhi and I didn't really start dating until just before the Incident."

"My role given to me by the Data Integration Thought Entity prevents me from acting on most personal desires." Screw the Entity. You deserve at the very least some freedom. "In addition, I could not fully comprehend emotions even to this day, so the logical thing to do was to nothing. Besides, I did not want to complicate you and Haruhi's relationship, even before the two of you began to go out. Anyone could tell there you two shared romantic feelings for each other from the nearly the start."

You held back everything for the sake of others? Well that's what you always do. If there was one thing I wished for you to have learned, it was to learn how to live life how you wanted.

"It doesn't matter."

Of course it matters!

"It may have at one point, but no longer."

It matters no longer? What does that mean?

"…"

I sighed. "You know, this whole situation reminds me of those clichés in movies where one person is dying or leaving forever, and they say what they've wanted to say the whole time. You know what I'm talking about?"

"…" Yuki's gaze shifted ever so slightly downwards.

"Sorry. I just meant to lighten the mood."

"You have no reason to be sorry. What you have said is correct."

"… What?" What are you talking about?

"The Data Integration Thought Entity had gathered just enough information from the Incident to be satisfied, coming to the conclusion that another instance like that would not present itself in Haruhi Suzumiya's lifetime. All Humanoid Interfaces created by the Entity are being recalled permanently as to not disrupt the natural course of events of this world. Ryoko Asakura and Emiri Kimidori's Data have already merged with the Entity."

"But you don't want to go, do you?" Wow. Did I already accept that this was true? Well, at this point, my mind was such a jumbled mess of thoughts that I couldn't think clearly. My mind was still reeling at the thought of Yuki actually opening her heart to me, and her confession of love had pushed my mind over. Now her revealing that she's going to disappear forever was like kicking my mind while it was down. Hopefully my analogy made sense. Right now, I could only just take in whatever was said to me.

Yuki shook her head just barely. "No. I truly wish to stay here in this world with you, Suzumiya, Koizumi, and the others."

"Then this is bullshit!" I stood up, enraged, causing Yuki to look up at me. "You've done us wonders, preventing terrible disasters from occurring, and you've provided the Entity with its so called precious data of autoevolution. You deserve your wish to be granted! At the very, very least, the Entity owes you something!"

"The Entity had already recalled all its Humanoid Interfaces after the Incident, except for me. It had allowed me, because of my success, to live out the rest of high school with the Brigade before merging with it."

My hands balled up into fists. "Well that's not good enough! If that thing, the Entity, does anything to you, I'll keep my promise and bring the full, unstoppable force that is Haruhi down upon it." Hell, I'd even take it down my own, powerless self if need be, but no one's touching you, Yuki.

The alien stood up and put her hand on my shoulder, locking her gaze to mine. "Kyon, please don't be mad. It's my duty to carry out my directive."

"Screw duty too if it goes against what you wish for."

"My personal desires have never mattered." Yuki's arm dropped, and she looked down. "I knew this day would come since I first came into existence. It was always my fate."

"Yuki." I put my own hands on her shoulders. "If there's anything that I've learned since I first joined the Brigade, it's that one should always follow what their heart desires, no matter what gets in the way. Ignore everything else if it makes you happy. Your heart desires to stay, so stay."

She looked up at me again with eyes that pierced right through me, and I unconsciously flinched. If her stare had any mass, I'd have a gaping hole through my head. "My heart does indeed desire to stay. However, my heart has chosen from the beginning to fulfill my directive, the reason for my existence. Please Kyon, do not interfere with this. This is all I ask of you." She then averted her gaze.

There was something in her voice and her gaze that told me not to argue. But how could I not? She just told me that her wish was to stay here with the people she cared for, yet she's choosing to leave forever. How does that make sense?

Besides, it's not just about her. There are people who really care for her, and me especially. She's my closest friend I've ever had, and the one person who I would always unquestioningly trust. Loosing her would mean loosing an irreplaceable friend who'd been a huge part of my life. Not even mentioning that her leaving would pretty much spell the end for the SOS Brigade. If loosing one member impacted us so much, two members gone would just be too much, especially since it's Yuki.

I could have gone on and on about how unfair it was for her to leave us, and how counterintuitive her actions were to her feelings, but I realized something. She's saved my life multiple times, made my life a helluva lot easier than it would have, done whatever I had asked of her, and other countless things. Through all of this, she's never asked for anything in return, and barely ever asked for anything at all. Now, she's asking me to accept what her heart has chosen for her to do. I have no right to deny her anything. So I just had to accept it.

"I see," I managed, taking my hands off her shoulders.

"This is why I wanted to tell you all of this now, because there is no other time."

Silence followed as Yuki averted her eyes from me again. I didn't know what to say. Once again it felt like words would be useless to convey what I was truly feeling right now. I tried to put it in words earlier, but it just didn't seem to capture the essence of it.

The silence didn't last too long as Yuki gave disheartening news. "It won't be long before the Entity will have me to merge with it." So it won't be long until I loose another friend…

Gah! Stop being so pessimistic! There's always a good side to everything. She'll at least be able to send me a message once in a while, right? Maybe even talk with me too, or perhaps even take human form again, if we're lucky. She won't be gone completely.

"You said you'd merge with the Entity, right?" Yuki nodded. "So that means you a part of you will still exist within the Entity, right?" Another nod. "Then you have to make sure you stay in touch with me and the rest of the Brigade, okay?" No reaction. What does that mean?

"When I merge with the Entity, my consciousness has approximately a 99.997% chance of completely dispersing throughout the Entity within a week. By the end of eight days, complete dispersion is guaranteed. In other words, when I merge with the Entity, the me you know will effectively fade out of existence."

… Okay, jokes over Yuki, I figured it out. This is way too clichéd to be real. I mean this whole instance is probably the most overused cliché in the history of entertainment, like I said before. So drop the act. I know you were trying to be funny and mess with me, but this really had me worried. What really gave you away was the cliché-ness of it all. Geez, I really am using the word cliché a lot, but it's true.

Yuki cocked her head very slightly to the side. "I don't understand."

"You had me going for a while. I really thought this was all real, but I found you out. You might want to work on your jokes. They're too serious."

"You think this is a… joke?"

I mentally slapped myself back to reality and shook my head. I sat back down and clutched my head. "I'm sorry. Ignore what I said earlier. I'm in denial right now." You see, my mind's a mess. I should know better than anyone else that these anime/movie/general-story clichés happen pretty often in my life.

"I see."

"…"

"…"

Silence. Yuki was going to fade away, but I still couldn't find anything more I wanted to say. What was wrong with me? I stared at the still standing Yuki as she looked off into the distance. From my perspective, it looked as if she was glowing as the sun was beginning to set behind her, and the glint off of some other shiny surfaces added to the effect.

"Thanks to you and the Brigade, my existence in this world has been… sensational. I don't know how to better describe it words."

Wait… it wasn't _as if_ she was glowing. She _was _beginning to glow. If things continued to go as they had been, then Yuki would go away any minute now. Crap.

"Kyon…"

"This is goodbye, huh?" I interrupted, standing up.

The petite girl turned to me, replying after a pause, "Yes." And then she hugged me. Her arms gently wrapped around me as she rested her head against my chest. As I said before, by this point my mind wouldn't work properly, so my body just reacted and I returned her embrace. Her touch had always felt cold before, but now I felt genuine warmth emanating from her body. Our embrace was rather short, but it had felt as if time had stopped, the wonderful moment lasting for what seemed like hours.

"Goodbye, Yuki."

"Goodbye, Kyon." As Yuki broke away and stepped back, a sense of déjà vu ran through me. She was beginning to crystallize and disintegrate just as Asakura had been after she failed to kill me for the first time. Her feet were the first to fade away.

"I'm truly glad that you stayed by my side to make my life what it was." Yuki's legs had now completely dematerialized. A wave of melancholy washed over me as her lips formed a warm, parting smile. A single tear, her first ever and her last, spilled from the corner of her eye and slowly rolled down her cheek. In a soft voice that conveyed all of her unspoken emotions, she spoke her last word,

"_Arigato."_

And then in a soft, golden glimmer, she was gone, disappearing into nothingness.

I reached out just as the last glittering particle of her vanished, hoping that if I managed to catch even a part of her that she'd come back. But that was foolish thought and my hand only connected with thin air. Yuki was gone now, lost to the universe, forever. She faded so quickly, so very quickly…

I felt terribly heartbroken. I felt like breaking down right now. My closest friend, the one person who I put my unwavering trust in, was gone forever. But it was worst than that. I was so taken aback by this whole event that I didn't have time to say the things I've been longing to. Yuki said most everything she needed to, to me. She passed on all of her emotions to me, letting me, and me alone, know what she truly felt within her heart before her end. Now she'll never know how much I really cared for her.

But that doesn't matter anymore.

She'd already faded away…

Into a _**gentle oblivion…**_

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**A/N: **Well, I hope you enjoyed this not so little pilot one-shot to introduce my new story.

Sorry for the use of a clichéd cliché and all of the dramatic drama in this chapter. After watching the Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya, I was inspired to write this. Also, I was always wondering what would happen to the SOS Brigade once everyone graduated and everything stabilized. This is just me, but I think Mikuru and Yuki would be recalled by their superiors so interference would be minimal or none. Not sure about Koizumi. And then because of the intellectual difference between Haruhi and Kyon's minds, they'd go to different colleges.

Also, sorry for the ending. I kind of rushed the end after spending a week or two… or three, on this due to procrastination and distraction. Right now, I'm sick of writing this chapter, so this'll just have to do for now.

I'm going to make another chapter like this later on, only where Haruhi and Kyon say goodbye (but not for forever). It'll be a while.

ANYWAYS, not all chapters will be like this. There will be humor, action, adventure, idiocy, and more. Yes, there will be more romance and drama and stuff, but most of what will be posted here will not be the afore mentioned genres.

If you are genuinely interested in my writing, please review. It feeds my ego just as acting chivalrous towards Mikuru feeds Kyon's ego. If and if my ego has a full belly, I write more often.

**PREVIEW (for anyone interested):**

CH. 2: FINALLY!

Summary: Kyon finally gets to do to each member of the SOS Brigade what he's always wanted to do. Payback never tasted so sweet.

CH. 3: Philosophy With Shamisen No. 1

Summary: Remember how Shamisen's messed with Kyon by giving a spiel about how one may interpret a certain sequence of sounds as speech, but the other person may be simply blabbering gibberish? Well, he's once again using logic to mess with more people. YAY ANNOYING PEOPLE (or cats in this case)!

[SUPER LONG AUTHOR'S NOTE ENDS HERE]


	2. FINALLY!

I don't know what to say other than saying I don't know what to say and the disclaimer.

**DISCLAIMER: **Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu Copyright © Nagaru TANIGAWA 2003

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**Chapter II: FINALLY!**

Time: Two weeks after the Incident 4:27 PM.

Place: SOS Brigade HQ/Literary Clubroom.

Event: Kyon is allowed to do whatever he wants to the members of the Brigade after all of the madness he's endured.

Jumping right in (I'm tired of intros)…

The cynic turned to Haruhi. "You first." With that, he proceeded to slap Haruhi right across the face. Smiley lost his smile, and the moé character cowered.

But of course, Poker Face remained pokerfaced.

And the slap was hard. Nothing was held back. Every fiber of his body that had wanted to strangle the girl at one point or another seemed to go into that slap. It was a strike of pure rage.

The impact whipped Haruhi's head right around and she was nearly knocked over as she stumbled back, her hand on the red mark in the shape of Kyon's hand on her cheek.

Kyon wasn't done though. He still had to voice his thoughts. "You are the most self centered, idiotic, stupid, insatiable, ridiculous, selfish, illogical, simpleminded, arrogant, bullying, egotistic, oblivious, greedy, ungrateful, insensitive, extorting, perverted, demanding, bipolar bitch I've ever met in any world I've ever been thrown into!" Every word spoken was practically shouted and filled with venom.

Haruhi looked back at Kyon with fearful eyes. Every word stung and she was genuinely hurt. Kyon had always backed her, one way or another and always did things that satisfied her needs. He stuck by her side through thick and thin, and even through the mess that was the Incident. Sure, he complained, but he was complaining for the sake of complaining, right? Kyon was her best and closest friend she'd ever had. But these were his true thoughts, his true feeling. So did that mean… she was wrong? Could his calm really have been faked like most of Itsuki's annoying smiles?

The other members of the SOS Brigade were shocked at this as well. Kyon was always cool and collected, but now he was vehemently raging at the Goddess/potential for autoevolution/timequake in a completely malicious mindset.

Kyon continued, "Damn it Haruhi, do you know how much ridiculous crap we all had to put up with? You dragged us all into your stupid little schemes that you would use to humiliate and torture us just to satisfy your insatiable needs! More than that, you were a troublemaker on a universal scale, nearly destroying the world a bunch of times just because something didn't go exactly your way. Sure, you had no control over that, but you could have at least considered that other people had feelings and thoughts too. You could have saved us a lot of emotional trouble by being just a bit less of an inconsiderate jerk. But no! You just kept on being a full-blown half-witted blockhead without a care in the world!"

Then Kyon grabbed Haruhi by the shoulders and forced his lips onto hers in a passionate kiss. There was tongue too.

Haruhi's brain short-circuited as she went completely unresponsive. She didn't resist at all as Kyon's tongue pressed it's way into her mouth. This was here thought pattern at this point:

…

And of course, dot-dot-dot means nothing.

Kyon then broke the kiss. "Sorry about all of the above: I was just releasing all my pent up rage." His voice was much softer and devoid of any malice. "Really, I think you are absolutely the most amazing person in the universe and any other universe. I mean, you're a freaking Goddess for goodness sake! Forget Christ, Buddha, Muhammad, Mani, Zoroaster, and Lovecraft; you're the real deal! But honestly, I don't give a crap about your ridiculous powers. You'd be no less brilliant without them. Your take on life (not so much actions) is truly something to behold. You live life to its fullest, following your dreams and letting nothing get in your way. You do what makes you happy, and in the process make the lives of those around you more fun. You've personally shown me that you don't have to settle for a normal, boring world; something epic is just around the corner! Life: it's an adventure, right? So thank you."

A smiling Kyon took his hands of off Haruhi's shoulders and turned to the next Brigade member.

At this point, Haruhi's brain started to work again, though she was still in a daze. These were her thoughts:

Still, the corners of her mouth curled upwards into a smile. Kyon had actually _kissed _her!

The next brigade member happened to be Yuki. Kyon embraced her in an affectionate hug. "Thank you, Nagato, for everything you've done for me." Yuki remained impassive. Kyon broke the hug. "But please stop with all these technobabbly spiels. It's always about something important but I don't get half of it, and it makes me anxious. Okay?"

Yuki nodded.

Just like the Humanoid Interface (for the most part), he kept things short, simple and to the point.

Koizumi's turn.

"I don't suppose you want to express your gratitude for me at all." the Esper said.

"Nope."

After a dramatic sigh, Koizumi spoke again, "Well, then my face is yours to punch." Kyon smiled evilly and balled his hand into a fist. Smiley spread his arms and closed his eyes, awaiting the inevitable punch.

_This is going to hurt. A lot. Great. If he punches as hard as he slapped Haruhi, I'm bound to lose a few teeth. Or he could break my nose or jaw. Or turn my eye to mush. At least the Agency would be able to fix me up no problem. I'd just have to make a few calls. Then again, I could just ask Yuki to fix me. That'd be so much easier. I wouldn't have to deal with annoying paper work. Wait… what's taking Kyon so long-?_

Koizumi's thoughts were shattered when Kyon's Falcon Kick connected with his crotch. Needless to say, he fell to the floor, writhing in excruciating pain.

"I really wanted to punch you for a long time now. But then I thought that kicking you in the balls would be far more satisfying. I was right." With a triumphant nod, Kyon moved on.

Koizumi moaned in pain as he managed to look up to Yuki. "… Is it still… possible for… me… to bear children?" The alien nodded. "Alright…" The Esper went back to his writhing and moaning.

"Asahina."

The timid moé character jumped as she heard her name. "Y-y-y-y-yes?" _What's he going to do to me? Oh fuuuuuuuuuuuu-_

"Hmm. Actually, for the sake of keeping things rated T for the readers, I'll pass on what I wanted to do to you, 'cause that'd make this M."

Mikuru's face lit up. No harsh retribution was coming her way!

…

"Wait, what? Keep things rated T? What's that supposed to mean?" Clueless Mikuru was no longer as clueless.

Kyon then stepped back to face everyone. "Wow. I feel great after this! Thanks everyone! Man, I'm up for anything now! The day is still young. Haruhi, got any crazy shenanigans for us to be dragged into? Nagato, any rogue interfaces you need help to hunt down? Koizumi, any Celestials and closed space that need to be taken care of? Asahina, any space time distortions or paradoxes to fix? Wow, just wow. All my pent up rage is gone. So, come on guys! I don't care what the heck happens right now; I'll follow you to the end!"

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_27 minutes later…_

Kyon was all alone. He got separated from the rest of the Brigade soon after they went hunting for man easting monsters. Needless to say, Kyon found it first and it was now chewing on his arm

Oh.

And he also found a rogue interface that was a chibified version of Ryoko who was having fun poking holes in him with her knife. Not to mention he was also being kicked in the face by the giant Cave Cricket who was brought back through via a timequake. A glowing blue sphere with wings also happened to be present, and after ten minutes of saying, "Hey, listen!" it began to give a huge spiel of galactic proportions about something or another. This was all after Kyon stumbled into Closed Space and was stepped on by a Celestial.

Kyon, who was somehow still alive, facepalmed.

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**A/N: **Yeah! Popped this out pretty dang fast for me! All at the cost of quality!

Nah, not really.

All I'm doing right now is putting whatever random idea I have in my head down on text, with little to no prior planning and editing after the fact. Okay, so maaaaaybe at the cost of quality.

But who cares, I can tell I'm starting to ramble.

So, BYE BYE!

**Previews:**

CH 5: Tsuruya Gets Mugged!

Summary: Not really.

CH # pending: Amnesia

Summary: After Kyon's head meets Mr. Door, he has amnesia! Kyon has to live with the hardship of not remembering whom his loved ones are, and not knowing what the hell is going on around him in this typical cliché! Just kidding. Yuki saves the day.

CH # pending: Distortions

Summary: Modified from my other story with the same name. Made into a one-shot.

CH # pending: The Second Day of Sagittarius III

Summary: A remake of my other story with the same name. I didn't like how it started. TSDS III will be an arc in this story, though not continuous (there'll most likely be chapters in between the chapters of TSDS III).

CH # pending: Parallel Universe

Summary: Kyon is sucked into a parallel universe where everyone has different names. Except for him.

[END TRANSMISSION]


	3. Philosophy With Shamisen No 1

Originally, nothing was supposed to be here in the A/N, but I didn't want to break tradition. So... enjoy!

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**Chapter III: Philosophy With Shamisen No.1**

**Shamisen: **Hello, Koizumi.

**Koizumi: **Ah, Shamisen. What brings you the Clubroom at this hour?

**Shamisen: **Looking for you.

**Koizumi:** And how did you know where I was?

**Shamisen: **I like to stalk people.

**Koizumi:** …

**Shamisen: **Joking, I just asked Haruhi where you were.

**Koizumi: **I see.

**Shamisen: **Anyways, I have something to discuss with you. You know that Haruhi wanted aliens, time travelers, espers, and sliders to be real, right?

**Koizumi: **Of course.

**Shamisen: **Well, then tell me who the slider is.

**Koizumi: **Hmm… I guess we can't say for sure. However, among the many factions dealing with the Brigade, it is speculated Kyon is the slider, or has become the slider. But should know this."

**Shamisen: **I have a new theory on who is the slider is, one that is much more plausible.

**Koizumi: **Oh really?

**Shamisen: **Yeah really. Kyon couldn't be the slider, as he has no supernatural powers and has technically never traveled to a parallel universe. This whole Brigade is pretty much your typical anime/manga club of anime/manga stereotypes. There's the hyper, driving force that is the leader (Haruhi); the reserved, stoic member (Yuki); the enigmatic one with a seemingly fake personality (you, Koizumi); the typical timid moé character; and the completely normal person (Kyon). Only, each member is the extremity of that stereotype.

**Koizumi: **Hmm… that's a good observation. I actually never thought of that. So… thinking that this is a supernatural anime/manga plot, each member would subsequently would have a super power or secret identity. Haruhi is a goddess, Nagato is an alien, I am an esper, Asahina is a time traveler, and so Kyon would be… well, the slider. I don't see how this supports the notion that Kyon isn't the slider.

**Shamisen: **Oh, but it does. The normality with absolutely no hint whatsoever about the person's identity would mean that their special trait is normality itself. So Kyon is the normal guy.

**Koizumi: **I see your point.

**Shamisen: **That leaves the slider as the only supernatural position left, as alien, esper, and time traveler have already been taken up.

**Koizumi:** You're forgetting that the goddess position is also occupied.

**Shamisen: **All of the afore mentioned was just a lead in to my theory. That is this: Haruhi is the slider.

**Koizumi:** What?

**Shamisen: **The notion of Haruhi being a goddess is just preposterous; it makes no sense.

**Koizumi: **…

**Shamisen: **For starters, why would a goddess take human form and not include the knowledge of who she was while in human form? She would be so vulnerable to outside influences (like Kyon), and so would wreak havoc upon her world if pushed the wrong way. She would also be susceptible to harm from outside sources."

**Koizumi: **Well…

**Shamisen: **I don't think I need to mention the obvious stuff about how gods cannot exist due to the laws of physics and other factors. So moving on. Her being the slider would make much more sense as well as completing the roles of alien, time traveler, esper, slider, and normal guy.

**Koizumi: **How does Haruhi being the slider make sense?

**Shamisen: **As Kyon has said, there's no difference between magic and highly advanced technology. Anyone with the knowledge of how to travel to parallel universes safely must have knowledge of the universe beyond our comprehension. In the same way Nagato uses information to manipulate spatial data, Haruhi bends reality to a major extent."

**Koizumi: **There're gaping holes in your argument. If what you say is true, then why does Haruhi have no memories of who she is, and why did we, the members of the Agency, end up having knowledge and powers connected to her?

**Shamisen: **One theory goes that Haruhi was exiled to this universe, and her memory wiped. Not all of it could be erased, so they gave certain people in this world to control the damage done by her subconscious powers. There are variations on this theory, such as where Haruhi was not exiled but came here on her own, though all include possibilities of why she came here and why Agency members have powers. Another theory is that Haruhi made this universe her playground is toying with us. We could all just be fools who think we know what's going on while Haruhi laughs as we scramble about. She could have been playing us this entire time.

**Koizumi: **…

**Shamisen: **Problem? It is entirely possible, and much more probable than the notion of Haruhi being a god.

**Koizumi: **I think I get it now.

**Shamisen: **Oh really?

**Koizumi: **Indeed. I've noticed that your theory contradicts the Agency's in everyway. To use a more modern and mainstream term, you've been trolling me.

**Shamisen: **So now the cat's out of the bag, no pun intended. At first I just came up with this idea just to mess with you. However, after some more thought, I decided that this theory wouldn't just be to troll you. It actually sounded realistic and very plausible, more so than previous theories on who Haruhi is. Though Haruhi herself doesn't really like the idea.

**Koizumi: **Why's that?

**Shamisen: **Isn't it obvious? She likes the idea of being a Goddess much more than her being a slider. That way, some people would follow Haruhiism (the religion she made up and named) and worship her as an all-powerful being. Didn't she say that the Brigade should strictly follow the teachings of Haruhiism?

**Koizumi: **… I still stand by the Agency's theory.

**Shamisen: **You humans may adapt well physically, but you don't like to change your mindset. I have so much more to say, but I'm guessing you don't want to hear it?

**Koizumi: **You are correct.

**Shamisen: **I see.

**Koizumi: **…

**Shamisen: **…

**Koizumi: **…

**Shamisen: **I own a horse.

**Koizumi has left the Clubroom.**

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**A/N: **Gotta love Shamisen. And you'll never know why Koizumi was in the Clubroom in the first place. Even I don't know

Anyways, I absolutely love philosophical stuff and controversy. I get to use my boundless logic without anything holding me back. It's unfortunate that logic is disliked by many when used in any form of verbal conversation.

So if you have anything philosophical to say, have any ideas for the _Philosophy_ series, or have any theories on why Koizumi is in the Clubroom, please leave it in a review.

Oh yeah, sorry for sounding egotistic at times. I just need some place to vent my pent up egotism. I'm mentioning this to cover myself, like those corporations who cover everything as to prevent lawsuits.

I'm sorry for rambling.

**Fun Facts (YAY!):**

_**No. 1)**_This series was originally going to be called _Trolling With Shamisen, _but was changed because I could.

_**No. 2)**__The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya_ fits the criteria to be an epic (like the _Odyssey, Iliad, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, etc.)_, according to what school has taught me. Criteria (according to school) for being an epic:  
**- a long verse on a serious subject. **Maybe not a verse, but some parts of Kyon's narrating is very poetic and it's on a (relatively) serious subject.  
- **told in a formal and elevated style. **Also maybe not too formal except at certain times, but it sure as hell is in an elevated style. I mean, just read or listen to Kyon's narrative. It's got more metaphors, similes, etc. than… well, you get the point.  
- **centered on a heroic or quasi-divine figure. **Kyon is heroic and Haruhi is quasi-divine. Nuff said.  
- **action involves superhuman deeds in battle and/or a long, dangerous journey. **There's a battle or two or three or four or whatever number with super human deeds (i.e. Nagato saving Kyon by catching a knife with her bare hand [twice] and being impaled, Koizumi slicing up some Celestials, Kyon going back in time, time and again to fix the continuum, etc.), and the series is about the long and dangerous mission to fulfill Haruhi's every need.  
- **hero's actions determine the fate of a tribe/nation/race, etc. **Kyon's epic decision making throughout the series has so far kept the world from exploding.  
- **often gods or supernatural beings take an interest or role. **Do I even have to explain?

_**No. 3) **_THERE IS NO THREE. Although the fact that there is a three makes the previous statement false. So there is a three. And this is it.

[OF NAUGHT SIGNING OUT]


	4. A Glimpse Behind The Moé

Mikuru has got to have a dark side to her. Logic points to it.

Mikuru's PoV.

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**Chapter IV: A Glimpse Behind The Moé**

Ha, ha! I have those idiots all fooled! I've actually managed to make them believe I was an over the top clumsy moé character! It was so obvious that this was not the case. I mean, who in the freaking universe naturally acts like me when I'm in disguise? Then again, I can't blame them; I'm a master actor. That's what shook that annoying Mr. Smiley off my trail after a while. He was right when he said to Kyon that I wasn't who I let on to be.

They're all so stupid, thinking that my superiors would send an inexperienced and low ranking agent to be part of our target's idiotic club. No, that's definitely not the case, as I actually was the most qualified for the job above all other candidates for the mission. I've been trained both physically and mentally beyond what normal humans could endure and I'm talking about the people of my own time. I'm still young too. Hell, they even think I'm clueless as to what's going on for most of the time. I'M FROM THE FUTURE DUMBASSES! Do you REALLY think I don't know what's going on?

Heh, heh, heh. Well, I must be doing something right. I hold an irreplaceable spot next to our target and I've maintained my disguise despite there being other "supernaturals," all around me, especially more of Koizumi's allies.

I glanced over at the bibliophilic Humanoid Interface.

Except there's the Nagato and co. problem. The Data Integrated Thought Entity (DITE) and its operatives have known about my true intentions and identity from the very start. It's a miracle they haven't exposed me, especially Nagato. I always get really uneasy around her because I know she just has to say a few words and my mission will be ruined. Hell, she doesn't even need to speak to get her points across. She sometimes stares at me, as if mocking me and saying, "You can't do anything to me bitch. When this turns into a shit fight, and it will, I've got you by your balls." Well, now I'm quoting Avatar. She wouldn't actually think that would she? Maybe. She's always so damn quiet. She's probably simply saying, "Don't cross me."

But it's not just because she could expose me that I'm nervous of her. Even with all our advanced technology, DITE's knowledge and power is terribly awesome. It could end us with ease. Even a single Humanoid Interface could cripple our operations here. Meh, whatever. DITE's pretty much our ally right now, thanks to my connection with Nagato. Despite her close friendship with Kyon, she still adheres pretty strictly to her mission of observation and non-interference.

The Sky Canopy Dominion and its allies are a whole different story. It was just because of my misjudgment of that sneering bastard's indecisiveness that I made a mistake, leading to that embarrassing incident. I was nearly demoted.

Speaking of embarrassing, that idiot, our target Haruhi, publicly humiliates and molests me on a regular basis. It's so degrading… so freaking infuriating. I can't fight back because 1) I'm supposed to be moé, and 2) despite my training, she's still ridiculously strong with martial arts training. Gah! I hate her. She's just a clueless, idiotic jerk with stupid dreams. Does she even know that no one likes anything she does? She's a mega blockhead.

What annoys me more is Mr. Smiley's fake and ridiculously annoying smile that is so FREAKING annoying! I mean seriously, you smile all the freaking time that it just pisses the hell out of me. Have I mentioned how annoying it is? I just want to beat the crap out of him. I could do it too. Just a few jabs here and a hard squeeze there and he'd be in a great deal of pain. And in a wheelchair.

Then there's Kyon. He only wants to help me out because I'm his eye candy. And yeah, that's right, I know you have a secret folder of me in compromising positions. You perv. But at least you're pretty decent and tolerable. I have no quarrel with you. You just have to stay clueless.

But you, Haruhi and Koizumi, I will have my revenge. Oh, yeah, I SWEAR it. I come from the future, and I know all your secrets. Everything is predetermined, and I know just how to mess you up.

But wait…

I've already gotten my revenge. I've messed with your timeline and preserved the future. That's evident because my awesomely manipulative future self exists. Ha, ha! I've won before things even started. Besides, I've already fooled everyone (minus Nagato) into thinking I am a klutzy, cowardly moé character. That should be opportunity enough for me to mess with everyone.

But enough about my personal desires for revenge. I'm on a mission to preserve the timeline and make sure things play out how they're supposed to.

… Well, except for the occasional (fine, often) tweaks to the continuity that benefits us. It really helps when we know exactly what is going to happen and when it's going to happen so long as no powerful "supernatural" phenomena interfere (such as Haruhi and Nagato).

…

… Huh? Crap. That stupid ape Haruhi's coming.

"Mikuru!" the girl kicked in the door as she said that. That door must be military grade or something to have survived all this abuse. Oh god. She has a shopping bag. "I think it's time we have a wardrobe change!"

FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU-

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**A/N: **The notion that Mikuru is actually not the moé character we know and love is frighteningly possible.

Well, if you've enjoyed this, please leave a review!

[OF NAUGHT HAS LEFT THE LOBBY]


	5. Crossovers

Sorry for not updating anything in a while. A long, LONG, while. I've run out of inspiration until now. And like the name of the chapter hints at, I'm canceling the planned chapter of _Tsuruya Gets Mugged. _In its place is _Crossovers: The REMAKE, _the somewhat official revival of _The Crossovers of Haruhi Suzumiya, _but with a different take than the original story.

And I still have to review many people's stories, so I'll have to get on that.

Inspired after watching Higurashi Rei. FOR ONCE, NO BODY DIED! Well, so long as the alternate world _was _actually a dream, 'cause then Rika would have died after getting hit by that semi.

Well, onto the story.

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**Chapter V: Crossovers: The REMAKE Haru(gas)hi Arc**

Asahina and Kyon were walking together for some reason. They were alone, so Kyon thought this to be the perfect time speak up about something that was bothering him. He knew Haruhi was up to something, and the other Brigade members knew what was going on. Koizumi made an intricate story about how he didn't know what was going on, and Nagato simply said, "I've been ordered not to pass along any data regarding the future of the Brigade… for a little time." So that left the cynic able to ask one last person about Haruhi's plans: Asahina.

"Hey, Asahina?" Kyon asked. "There's something everyone's hiding from me and lying to me about, isn't there?"

The pinnacle of moé turned to him with an innocent face. "Hmm? No, not at all."

"You're lying."

Asahina continued her façade of innocence. "What do you mean by that, Kyon?"

"You know, don't you? You're hiding something from me."

That was when Asahina got creepy, and in an ominous tone replied, "And you, Kyon, are you really not hiding something from us?"

"Wha-?" _What does that mean? And what's with the tone? Oh, don't tell me Asahina's becoming bipolar…_

"Are you not lying and hiding something?" The redhead tilted her head sideways and stared straight into Kyon's eyes.

Kyon uncomfortably shifted his gaze from the staring Asahina. Her chest was distracting him. "I'm… not lying or hiding anything. I mean, I don't think I am. If this is in reference as to who I really am, like if I'm supernatural, then I can assure you I'm not."

"That's not what I mean, liar."

"Uh… why are you calling me a liar?" Kyon's eyes reverted back to his female friend.

"That one time, a while back, you scrambled to close a folder labeled 'MIKURU" so that I wouldn't see what's inside, remember?" The teen nodded, not liking where this was headed. "You told me that it was nothing important. But I know. I know there's something you didn't want me to see. You closed the folder seconds before I looked at the screen, and kept me away from the folder." _I'm screwed… _"What was in there?"

"Oh, uh, nothing much. I mean, I couldn't have done much, right?"

"Then why would you hide it from me?" The moé's bangs hid her expression.

"Uh…" _Craaaaaaaaaaap…_

"Why?" By the way, Asahina's voice was still creepy.

"Well, it had nothing do with you. Or, uh, at least nothing of concern…"

"USO DA!"

A flock of birds scattered from a nearby tree. Both Kyon and Asahina turned, perplexed at how so many dozens of birds could have been stuffed into one, rather small tree.

Then it was back to business. "Kyon, you're lying and hiding something." Asahina walked up to the cynic, to the point where their faces were almost touching. It kind of unnerved Kyon when he saw the other teen's pupils had dilated into slits so her eyes looked like those of a cat. Though soon in his mind, he pictured her in an arousing catgirl outfit. _Yeah… those eyes would fit that well…_ "We also have something to hide."

"Y-yeah…"

In an instant, Asahina went back to her cute, innocent self and stepped back. "So if you tell me your secret, I'll tell you ours." She smiled a big smile.

"Uh… no."

"K bye!" With that, Asahina left.

Kyon sighed deeply and facepalmed. "Why is every girl I like bipolar?"

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"Come on, just give up. The result will be the same in the end."

"Who are you?"

Kyon looked around frantically, looking for a way out of this crazy, all-out-of-whack room. But there was none. No sliding door that didn't quite close. No frosted glass windows. Nothing at all.

So Kyon wove through desks that blocked his path, no matter which way he went, trying to put some distance between a homicidal Asakura and himself. Though for her, desks just flew out of the way. _Effing hacks! _Kyon found himself trapped and cornered. Kyon had already been emotionally and mentally shaken when he was almost impaled the first time by his "friend," but he had kept it together. Now faced with certain death almost right after, he snapped.

Picking up a chair, he threw it at Asakura with all his might, catching the Humanoid Interface off guard. It collided with Asakura's face with enough force to actually knock her to the ground.

Now would be a good time to say, BOOM, HEADSHOT!

Dragging a chair with him, he walked over to the yandere.

"Ow…" mumbled the crazy knife wielding girl. "That hurt…" She looked up. "Wha-?"

Kyon then relentlessly brought the chair down upon the downed girl, beating her over and over with the chair. It was only when Kyon thought the hunter-turned-victim had received enough blunt force trauma that he stopped and discarded the chair.

And in a voice full of venom, the cynic said, "Stay down, Asakura. I thought you were at least an ally of mine, if not a friend, which is why I was in denial that you were really trying to kill me. However, I realize that this is real, and you are just one crazy yandere. If you _ever _come within a meter of me again, expect me to beat you to a pulp right then and there."

Then the wall exploded inwards as Yuki Nagato made her dramatic and not-so-timely-anymore entrance to save Kyon. There was an ever so slight expression of surprise on the good Interface's face when she saw Asakura curled up in a ball with a pissed off Kyon standing over her. "I… take it I don't have to save you anymore?"

"Huh?" Kyon turned to Nagato. "Oh… nope."

"Darn. Now we can't have an epic battle to the death… And it was the only real battle scene in the series too…"

Taniguchi, having overheard that, popped into the room. "Hey, what about the cave cricket battle?"

Kyon replied for Nagato. "I think she's referring to the light nov- wait! When the hell did you get here? And how do you even- wait again! That hasn't even happened yet!"

"And what's with all this blatant meta?" Tsuruya asked.

"Hold on, you don't even make an appearance until next book!"

Suddenly, Rika popped out of nowhere! "Nipah~!"

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Kyon was strapped to a wooden cross, and Yuki was trapped in a prison of data. Asakura stood before the trapped Kyon, combat knife in hand.

"What do you plan on doing to me?" Kyon asked.

"I plan on-"

"Sorry, stupid question. I already know your plan is to kill me. So, how do you plan on killing me?"

"By stabbing you repeatedly in the arms until you die of blood loss (or pain)!"

"… Only you could say that in a cheery voice with a smile on your face."

Asakura, who did indeed have a big goofy grin on her face, chuckled. "Yup!"

"We are not authorized to harm this human." That was Nagato.

"Yeah, well, I want to observe a huge explosion of data. So…" She pulled her arm back, knife in hand, about to strike.

The yandere was about to commence her stabbing when Kyon spoke up. "Hold on. If you just want to kill me, then why torture me?"

"Because you have denied my right to happiness of course!" Yep… she still had a smile. "You in particular, Nagato." She turned to address her fellow Interface. "You prevented me from attaining happiness by saving this human from my blade. For that, he must suffer."

"Wait. We have no idea what kind of consequences killing Kyon may have. There's a real possibility Haruhi Suzumiya will find out it was you who killed Kyon and eliminate you from the world while bringing Kyon back. That would not be to your liking, would it?"

"Hmm… that's true. However, it's worth the risk. Though if you say, 'gomen nasai,' one thousand times, then I won't kill Kyon."

"Why 'gomen nasai?'" asked Kyon.

Asakura shrugged. "I don't know. Sounds dramatic. Anyways…" Once again, the rogue interface prepared to stab the helpless Kyon.

"One thousand seems a bit unreasonable… and why does this setting seem familiar…"

Nagato saw a loophole, "gomen nasai one thousand times."

The rogue Interface facepalmed "No, just no. Now I'm going to have to make Kyon's death twice as long."

Then in about half a second… "Gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen 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nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai gomen nasai."

The crazy knife-wielding girl hung her head in defeat as she counted up each word. "… I hate you, so, so much."

"Good job, Nagato!" Kyon said. The girl nodded. "Now free us, you homicidal maniac!"

"Fine…" mumbled the defeated Asakura. She was about to unchain Kyon when a sudden thought hit her. Then she burst out in a maniacal laugh, which kind of freaked Kyon out. "I just remembered! I only said I wouldn't _kill_ you!"

"Uh oh…"

"SO LONG SUCKERS!" And with that, the sociopathic yandere bolted out of her torture chamber.

Kyon had a very confused look on her face. "What just happened?"

"It appears th-"

"That was rhetorical."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

Kyon spoke up, "So I guess we're stuck down here?"

"Yes."

* * *

**X**

**

* * *

**

**A/N: **Yes, there really is one thousand "gomen nasai" in that chunk of text. ALL HAIL COPY AND PASTE!

After watching Higurashi for the second time, I realized just how obvious some hints as to what the hell was going on were, if I put my mind to it. Still confusing as heck, but a bit less. I'm kind of disappointed that the death and blood is being so exaggerated. Sure, there's a lot of deaths, and sure there is blood, but A) there's a lot of death in other animes too and B) it's not that bloody. People tend to forget the other aspects of Higurashi.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed!

And back to being dead!

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING! NOTHING I TELL YOU!**

[OF NAUGHT WAITING TO RESPAWN]


	6. Wishes Upon Stars

Okay, this is something I've wanted to write for a very long time. But other things were nagging at me worse to write, and of course procrastination had a hand to play in this.

Though on a lighter note, happy Friday the 13th! I haven't heard anyone sing the Friday song on Friday for TWO WHOLE FRIDAYS! It's a miracle!

Now, how to make a creative disclaimer…

…

You know what? I'm just going to make claimers instead.

**CLAIMER: I CLAIM THIS STORY IDEA IN THE NAME OF MY PSEUDO-NAME, Of Naught**

Also, I may or may not put a random quote or two from the series before the actual story that may or may not contain one-liner commentary following the quote(s) because I can.

Oh, by the way, I'm totally hooked to the TVtropes website right now. Gah! I have way too much free time that I don't use productively. Although I suppose I could say that I'm _researching_ about literary tools to improving my fictional writing.

Moving on…

* * *

**X**

* * *

_Koizumi turned to me for salvation, looking like a rookie German officer who'd received a direct order from the Fuhrer himself to capture the Supreme Allied Commander with a single squad on the European Western Front during the waning years of World War II. – Page 210 of the Boredom._

Epic simile FTW.

* * *

**Chapter VI: Wishes Upon Stars**

The date was July seventh: the day of the Tanabata. True to her word during their first

Tanabata, Haruhi had assembled the SOS Brigade to celebrate the day once again. Each was wearing an outfit completely handmade from the future by Mikuru as her present to the SOS Brigade. The attires were finely crafted and casual looking, each with a subtly unique quality that fit each Brigade member perfectly (i.e. Yuki's outfit was reminiscent of the North High sailor fuku).

"Welcome to the 26th anniversary of the Brigade's celebration of the Tanabata!" The Brigade Chief's loud and lovely (Kyon's own words, interestingly) voice rang throughout the hall (the building in which God Knows and Lost my Music were preformed). She had her long hair in ponytail (much to Kyon's delight) and smiled a smile as bright as the blazing sun. Almost every one of the Brigade's high school associates, from Ryoko Asakura (no longer wanting to terminate Kyon) to the Computer Research Society President to Kyon's little sister, was there. "Without further ado, it's time to party 'till you can't party no more!" With that, Haruhi ran, jumped off the stage, did a flip, and cannon balled into a large ball pit, sending a cascade of plastic balls onto some partiers.

The party had officially begun.

Kyon facepalmed, though with a smile on his face. His wife was 43 years old (I'm assuming Haruhi was 17 during the first Tanabata), yet she acted just like and had the energy of a child. That was Haruhi for you.

Haruhi resurfaced and faced her unmoving husband. "Come on Kyon! Jump in!"

"I think I'm fine where I am." Kyon never did get why _**NOBODY**_ever called him by his real name.

The pseudo-goddess crossed her arms and scowled. "Buzzkill." Then she shot Kyon a mischievous grin. "Well, good thing I asked Yuki to take care of any buzzkills."

"Wha-?"

The Humanoid Interface shoved the cynic off the stage and into the ball pit. Kyon hit a foot to the left of Haruhi, landing face first in the ball pit, sending another shower of plastic balls onto his nearby friends. He quickly scrambled to recover, giving Haruhi, who had a thousand-watt smile, a glare as he got to his feet.

"Wait…" Kyon turned to his mauve haired friend on stage. "Nagato! I thought you were on my side!"

The corners of Yuki's mouth curved ever so slightly upwards in a slightly mischievous grin. She faced Koizumi as the esper stepped up to her left her and held her hand. "Shall we join them?" he asked. With a slight nod of her head, they both jumped into the ball pit. Needless to say, they yet again sent another spray of plastic balls out of the pit.

Kyon spoke up once Yuki and Koizumi resurfaced. "Hey guys, don't you think it's kind of awkward for a bunch of old people like us to be playing in a ball pit?"

Haruhi was about to speak but Kyon put up a finger to her lips.

"You're my wife and you're Haruhi, so I already know your answer."

"Not at all," was Koizumi's response, which caused Kyon to sigh.

"While it does not conform to your culture's social norms, it technically should not be awkward at all," Yuki piped in.

Haruhi spoke up. "Yeah, we may be old, but we're still young at heart! Besides, we're not that old! 43? Not even close to old."

"You're always an inspiration, Haruhi," was Kyon's sarcastic response.

The Brigade leader hung her arm over the sarcastic guy's neck. "So what are we going to do now? Hit up the laser tag section? Or the card games section? Or the trampolines? Or the arcade? Or the karaoke? Or maybe the dance floor? Come to think of it, there's a lot of stuff we could do. And I mean _a lot._ Oh, that reminds me. Koizumi, tell the Agency that their goddess (Kyon rolled his eyes) accepts their offering to keep her entertained."

Koizumi was happy to oblige. "I'll get the message across."

"I say we get something to eat," Kyon said, turning his head to look at his wife. "After all, your eagerness to help out in setting up caused us to miss breakfast."

The thought of food made Haruhi's stomach growl. "Agreed."

* * *

"Mm… Haruhi, your cooking was as lovely as ever."

"Why thank you Koizumi! Though I can't take all the credit. After all, my daughter helped me out quite a bit in the making of this fine meal. Mikuru also sent us a delicious meal large enough for all of us from the future."

"Hey, don't forget about my _financial_ contribution," Kyon cut in. "I bought all the ingredients you and our daughter used, using my own personal savings."

"Okay, fine, Kyon helped out a little too. But it was mainly our daughter who helped me, and Mikuru that brought some food."

"Speaking of your daughter, I heard a rumor from my son that she was planning on reviving the SOS Brigade here at North High, today."

"That is so," Kyon replied. "I don't think I have to mention that your son was literally dragged along into helping her. So nostalgic."

"The Tanabata sure does hold quite a bit of significance for us Brigade members."

Haruhi spoke again, "The very day that I vowed to find aliens, time travelers, espers and sliders. It's still kind of hard to believe that you, Kyon, of all people, are my John Smith."

"It is indeed the day in which I received my esper powers as well."

"It was also the day in which I was created," Yuki responded.

"Such good memories…" Haruhi sighed.

"Let's not forget that today is also a day of good memories for the entire world too," Koizumi added. "Seven years ago today, the many nations of this world finally got their act together to unite as one and maintain peace and harmony of the human race. Once sworn enemies are now working side by side to help the world and humanity."

Yuki spoke up. "Approximately 2 minutes 30 seconds ago, a news broadcast had just stated that the UN's policies have begun to be reformed in response to the changing world."

Kyon threw his own happening into the fray, "On that same day, ENOZ, who had made it big in the music industry, gave us 10 million yen as their thanks for being the reason they made it big." He turned to his wife. "I guess your and Nagato's playing for ENOZ helped us too."

"Best of all though," Haruhi added in a nostalgic tone, "not only is the day of Tanabata the day that Kyon and I were married, but also the day that our wonderful daughter was born (between the Brigade celebrations, Kyon and Haruhi's anniversaries, and their daughter's birthdays, there are of course conflicts, but they're all taken care of). Wasn't Tanabata the day you also revealed the everything to me?"

Koizumi shook his head. "Sorry, but not quite. It was about a week or so after, if I remember correctly."

"So close."

A moment of silence passed.

Then Kyon asked, "So what should we do now?"

"Hmm… I know!" Haruhi responded. "Let's hit up the dance floor to burn off some calories!" And before Kyon could give his opinion, Haruhi grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and dragged him over to the dance stage (no one had wanted to dance yet).

"Hey! I never agreed to this!" an annoyed Kyon protested as he managed to wiggle out of Haruhi's grasp."

"If you have complaints, submit them in written form afterwards! Man, it's been a while since I last said that."

"What song shall we dance to?" Koizumi asked.

"DJ CRiSP! Hare Hare Yukai!"

With that, the former Computer Research Society President, who happened to be in charge of the music, began to play the legendary theme.

"Oh no, nonononono…"

And so the Brigade went on to have the time of their lives (again), participating in activities ranging from dancing to karaoke to video games to dodge ball to exchanging philosophical tidbits.

That is until…

"The world has begun to stop spinning." That was Yuki, who had just deadpanned the news.

"… Lolwut?" was pretty much everyone else's response.

"There was a relatively large manipulation of spacial data that has caused the rapid deceleration of the rotation of the entire planet."

Kyon managed to speak up, "You're joking, right?"

"No. In approximately three minutes, the Earth will cease to rotate. Asakura and Kimidori are filling the others in.

"It's not my fault!" Haruhi preemptively stated.

"Indeed it is not. The alteration originated from deep space."

"Could it be the Sky Canopy Dominion?" Koizumi asked.

"It was not the Dominion. However, DITE (Data Integrated Thought Entity) has already begun to pinpoint the origin of the manipulation."

"… This is really bad."

"No duh," was Kyon's sarcastic response to Koizumi.

Ignoring comment, the Esper continued, "The entire world, natural and human, will be affected. There will be widespread panic and confusion, among other drastic changes. Sorry for saying something so obvious, but sometimes the obvious needs to be said."

"… So what shall we do?"

"We may just have to unlock Haruhi's abilities again."

"I nearly destroyed the world, if not the universe when my powers were unlocked the first time," Haruhi interjected in a serious tone, "and it was hard enough to nullify their effects. I hardly have any control over them."

"The Earth has stopped rotating," Yuki stated.

"We have to try something or the world will be in great danger," Koizumi argued.

"The Earth has begun to rotate again." Before anyone could say something, the Humanoid Interface added, "In the other direction."

…

Silence.

Then Haruhi's face it up at the same time Kyon facepalmed. An, "Oh my gosh, no way!" and a "You've _got _to be kidding me," were said at the same time.

"What?" Koizumi asked.

Yuki had caught on. "Our wishes from twenty-six years ago have come true."

"Oh… Oh my. So they have."

* * *

**X**

* * *

**A/N: **Just finished reading the first four books in the series for the third time. That gave me some inspiration. I hope you enjoyed.

Oh, by the wa-

[CONNECTION LOST]


End file.
